It Happened in Tennessee

RED BANK, Tenn. -- You can fire your workers, but you can't spank 'em.

Authorities in Red Bank, Tenn., have arrested and charged 57-year-old Paul Levengood with two counts of sexual battery.

Police say two 19-year-old women complained that Levengood would spank them when they made mistakes on the job at Tasty Flavors Sno Biz.

One of the women told police that on her first day at the Tasty Flavors Sno Biz, before any spanking, Levengood made her sign a statement giving him permission to "bust my behind any way he sees fit."

Police Sgt. Jay LaMance said the two women likely accepted the spankings instead of leaving immediately because they were brought up to respect anybody who is an authority figure.

Levengood is now free on $2,000 bond.

Awww

It Happened in Tennessee...

Pastor Charged After Calling Bible a Bomb

Information from: The Tennessean

NASHVILLE, Tenn. - A pastor says he was "just kidding" when he told airport security he had a bomb, reached into his luggage and pulled out a Bible, declaring, "This is my bomb."

Jose L. Gonzalez, a citizen of Spain living in Deltona, Fla., was arrested and charged Sunday with making a false statement.

Gonzalez was earlier reported to be part of the Seventh-day Adventist Church. However, organization officials said Wednesday he is not a member of their group.

Seventh-day Adventist officials said Gonzalez is part of the Seventh Day Adventist Reform Movement, a group that broke from the denomination in the mid 1860s and headquartered in Roanoke,Va., officials said.

The incident occurred as security screeners at the Nashville International Airport were searching his carry-on bag.

Gonzalez, a passenger on an Orlando, Fla.-bound Delta flight, had already raised suspicion when screeners found a laptop computer that he said at first he didn't have.

An investigation determined that Gonzalez did not pose a threat, but the FBI (news - web sites) still arrested and charged him with making the statement.

"Upon being questioned by airport security officers about the above episode, Gonzalez admitted having said that he had a bomb," a federal criminal complaint states, "but insisted that he was just kidding."

"He claimed he had used the term 'bomb' as a way of referring to the Bible as having the ability to change one's life," the complaint states. "He admitted that it had been stupid and that he had not intended any harm."

U.S. Magistrate Judge Cliff Knowles presided over Gonzalez's initial court appearance Tuesday and advised him that, if convicted, he faces up to five years in prison and a potential fine of $250,000.

Awwwwwww

Weird Dream, Number Two

After the pirate dream, on the same night, I had a dream that I went with my old high school friends Casey and Tiffany to the mall and it was just like old times... except now that I think about it, I don't recall ever going to the mall with them, except for maybe like Dillards or something. We got food and sat around and talked. We went to a book store that carried nothing except fantasy books, but was oddly missing any work of Mercedes Lackey. When I pointed this out to the man tending the register, he looked quite hostile. We went and got something to eat and sat around talking animatedly. Then there was some kind of mall-wide event... something involving midgets or gnomes or something. It seems like, now that I think about it, that they were dressed like elves... that perhaps it was Christmas season. They handed out something to all the patrons, and we sat around on the floor to fill it out. Now that I think about it, it was supposed to be some kind of card or something that we were supposed to write our names on, or someone we wanted to dedicate something to. People were writing things like "For the loss of my grandmother" and "In memory of 9/11" and sentimental rot like that. I just wanted to put down my website address. As I started flipping through the thing that had been handed to me to write on, I realized that it had been previously used, and that it was Daryl's hand-writing and he had written all kinds of funny, odd, weird things down, none of which I can recall now.

Weird Dream

I had this really weird dream about two days after "Talk Like a Pirate Day". What was even more weird for me is that I hardly ever remember dreaming at all, and very rarely remember what my dreams were about if I do recall dreaming. Anyway, here's my weird dream.

I had a dream where I was a pirate, and for some reason I had snuck onto another pirate ship while the meager crew was asleep. There were probably 6 people on board. In the room I found myself in, there was a man sleeping. I seem to think he was the equivalent of the ship's preacher... a religious pirate, hah. Anyway, he saw me coming to kill him and he asked me to slit he throat, but when I tried, I botched it and didn't slice deep enough for him to die, he just bled a lot on the bed. Another person heard the commotion, and the preacher-pirate grabbed a bandana and tied it around his neck and acted as if we were old friends and I was coming to take his place on the ship. After that, he lay back on the bed, and told me to stab him in the heart, and showed me where to put my sword to do it. I closed my eyes and chanted a little spell that was something about binding his soul to my blade or something like that. Somehow, when I stabbed him, he didn't die. Apparently I'd botched it again, but it was really gross when I pulled the knife out, with globs of flesh ripping from his body, and blood, and him still alive and not even crying out in pain. He did LOOK like he was in a lot of pain and his eyes begged me to stop mucking about and kill him, so I gave it another go at cutting his throat, and cut in as deep as I could with my apparently crappy blunt dagger and finally managed to kill the poor sod. After that, I could see him, like he was alive and talking to me, but no one else could, and he became my steadfast companion as we tried to commandeer the ship. In the morning, the captain of the ship sailed into a pirate town and docked the boat. I remember trying to steal the ship, but it too was bungled by another crew member deciding to take it for a joy ride... down the street. Yes, that's right. Down the street. I kept yelling at him that the concrete of the road was going to damage the keel(?) of the ship, and besides that, the captain would kill us when we got back with the ship. He finally turned the ship back around and we sailed back into the dock, only to find that the captain had been killed and the killer had decided that since he killed the captain, the ship was now his. The last thing I remember was a bunch of pirates crowding around the docks and on the ship listening to this vicious looking man proclaim himself the new captain.

Damn It's Good to Be a Pirate! Arrrr!

Avast, me hearties! My Pirate Name be Mad Anne Flint, (in other waters, I be konwn as Pants-Down Juliana,) and it be International Talk Like a Pirate Day. So drink up your grog and step smartly, me beauties, unless ye wish to kiss the gunner's daughter. Now, ye may think I be addled, but belay that talk, ye blaggard. The old sea dogs at Talklikeapirate.com explain this most piratey of days. So, me brethren of the coast, sharpen yer cutlass, for it be time for lootin' and pillagin'. No quarter for the poxy bilge-sucking land-lubbers! Remember, me buckos, dead men tell no tales.

The Pirate Name Generator that gave me the name of Mad Anne Flint says this about me: Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

If ye care not for that name, try this Pirate Name Generator that gave me the name Pants-Down Juliana.

Return of Farscape

Thanks to the tireless efforts of savefarscape.com, the Sci-Fi channel will be airing a four hour miniseries: Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars. The mini-series will air starting October 17th at 8pm CST. Brian Henson, the head of the Jim Henson company, said "We are thrilled to respond to their dedication by creating this miniseries, thus resolving many of the unanswered questions from the final episode and giving fans their just due."

WoW: My Pally!

The ugly brown thing is my beta guilds tabard. But they insist that it's "burgundy".

Kitties!

Everyone needs a Less Terror, More Kitties! button. You do!

Cat in Cockpit Forces Emergency Landing

Tue Aug 10, 9:33 AM ET

BRUSSELS, Belgium - A Belgian airliner made an emergency landing after an agitated passenger — a cat — got into the cockpit and attacked the co-pilot, the airline said Tuesday.

The SN Brussels flight from the Belgian capital to Vienna, Austria, had been in the air about 20 minutes Monday when "it was noticed" that a passenger's pet had escaped from its cage, "although it is not yet clear how," according to an airline statement.

"Once free, the animal proceeded to wander around the cabin," slipping into the cockpit when meals were being delivered to the two-man flight crew, it said.

"At this stage the animal became agitated and nervous," it said. An airline spokeswoman added that the cat scratched the copilot's arm.

The pilot decided to return to Brussels as a precaution, and the 58 passengers departed once more two hours later on another flight.

The cat had been checked in Oslo, Norway, in an internationally approved "flight transport bag," but the airline said it may end up changing its procedures for pets in the cabin once it concludes its investigation.

"At no time throughout the incident was the passengers' security affected in any way," it said.

Kitties in the News!

Baba Ganoush stares at her reflection in a mirror as her sibling Tabouli crouches below her, Thursday, Aug. 5, 2004, in San Francisco. These two kittens are the first cats cloned by chromatin transfer, a new cloning technology developed by Genetic Savings & Clone, a pet gene banking and cloning company, who produced the kittens as a precursor to production of the first batch of cat clones for the public. It will cost $50,000 to have your cat cloned. (AP Photo/Ben Margot)

Source: Yahoo! News

Back in Black

President Bush won the award for the World's Stupidest Man in this years World Stupidity Awards. That award was presented by the wonderful Lewis Black, well-known for his satire on The Daily Show. Black observed regarding the President, "It's easy to fall down a manhole, it's easy to put the candles too close to the drapes, it's easy to launch a military invasion of another country based on a few blurry satellite photos." President Bush also tied with British Prime Minister Tony Blair for the Stupidity Award for Reckless Endangerment of the Planet. He also won an award for Stupidest Statement of the Year when he pronounced "combat operations have ended in Iraq". In addition to that, Bush won reflected glory from the United States' winning the award for Stupidest Government of the Year.

Unabashed Racist Wins GOP Primary in Tenn.

By WOODY BAIRD, Associated Press Writer

MEMPHIS, Tenn. - An unabashed racist will represent the Republican party in the November election for a congressional seat after a write-in candidate failed to derail his effort.

With 86 percent of the primary vote counted Thursday, write-in candidate Dennis Bertrand had just 1,554 votes compared to 7,671, or 83 percent, for James L. Hart, a believer in the discredited, phony science of eugenics.

In November, the GOP candidate will oppose Rep. John Tanner (news, bio, voting record), a Democrat who has represented the northwest Tennessee district for 15 years.

Hart, 60, vows if elected to work toward keeping "less favored races" from reproducing or immigrating to the United States. In campaign literature, Hart contends that "poverty genes" threaten to turn the United States into "one big Detroit."

"I didn't expect to win," Hart said. "I thought their network would beat my ideas."

He has run for the 8th District seat before and drawn little attention. But people began to notice this time because he was the only Republican on the ballot.

Since the deadline for getting on the ballot had passed, Bertrand, also a Republican, began a write-in campaign, saying he wanted to protect the party's honor.

"I think his beliefs are not beliefs of any party that I know of," Bertrand said Thursday night. "I knew it was going to be a really long shot, but in good conscience, I had to at least give it an attempt."

Bertrand, a financial analyst and former military officer, was on active duty with the National Guard when the deadline to get on the primary ballot passed.

Hart said he will have lots of time to campaign for the general election since he was forced Wednesday to resign from his job as a real estate salesman because of the attention he drew during the primary.

"They didn't say 'You're fired' in exactly those words, but it was pretty clear what they wanted," Hart said.

While campaigning, Hart sometimes wears a protective vest and carries a .40-caliber pistol, but he said he has run into no trouble.

"When I knock on a door and say white children deserve the same rights as everybody else, the enthusiastic response is truly amazing," he said.

If a black person opens the door, he says he simply drops off campaign literature and leaves.

It Just Had to Be in Tennessee...

I added bold on some lines for emphasis for people that don't feel like reading the whole thing.

By AMBER McDOWELL, Associated Press Writer

NASHVILLE, Tenn. - Republican congressional candidate James L. Hart acknowledges that he is an "intellectual outlaw."

He is an unapologetic supporter of eugenics, the phony science that resulted in thousands of sterilizations in an attempt to purify the white race. He believes the country will look "like one big Detroit" if it doesn't eliminate welfare and immigration. He believes that if blacks were integrated centuries ago, the automobile never would have been invented.

He shows up at voters' homes wearing a bulletproof vest and carrying a gun, and tells them that "white children deserve the same rights as everyone else."

Despite his radical views, Hart may end up winning the Republican nomination because he is the only GOP candidate on the ballot in Thursday's primary. His presence in the campaign has embarrassed Republican leaders, who were blind-sided by Hart after they didn't bother fielding a candidate. Democratic Rep. John Tanner (news, bio, voting record) has held the seat for 15 years and is considered safe in November.

Republicans now desperately hope that a write-in candidate will stop Hart.

"I would characterize him as a racist, an elitist," said write-in candidate Dennis Bertrand, a financial analyst and former military officer. "His idea of ... genetically altering the human race in order to build a super race with super intelligence is appalling."

Much of Hart's platform revolves around eugenics, which arose in the early 20th century as a pseudoscientific movement to solve social problems by preventing the "unfit" from having children. It inspired 33 states to pass laws that allowed the sterilization of some 65,000 people, and Nazi Germany used the U.S. examples to justify programs that sterilized and killed millions.

Hart, a 60-year-old real estate agent, knows his views on eugenics are far from the mainstream and viewed as racist by most people.

He insists his beliefs have nothing to do with racism and everything to do with "favored races" from Europe and Asia and "less-favored races" from Africa. To achieve his goal of a country populated by "favored races," Hart proposes eliminating both welfare and immigration.

"If an individual demonstrates the ability to produce and contribute to society, he or she would be encouraged to have more children. People on welfare would not," Hart said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press.

Bertrand says he found out about Hart's views after returning from active duty with the National Guard and going on the Internet to learn more about the race in Tennessee's 8th District. He says he is running to make sure Hart does not win the Republican Party's endorsement.

"I was just appalled by what I'd seen there," said Bertrand, who has been active in local politics for years. "It had nothing to do with the beliefs I have, or of any Republican I know — or any Democrat or independent for that matter."

Bertrand immediately was endorsed by the statewide grass-roots group TeamGOP, which called for Republicans to "unite against the politics of hate."

The 8th District covers the mostly rural counties of northwest Tennessee, stretching from north Memphis to Clarksville. Many of the counties have large black populations.

The two candidates continue to actively campaign for the nomination — Bertrand visiting local GOP gatherings and Hart going door-to-door with his unorthodox, gun-toting approach.

"Every person who opens the door — as long as they're white — I'll say, 'I'm James Hart. I'm running for Congress. My name will be on the ballot in the Aug. 5 Republican primary. I think white children deserve the same rights as everyone else.'"

Who's a Sexy Elf?

Awww yeah, it's meeee.

WoW: My First Impressions

What I think after 3 days and 1 level 11 night elf druid.

Okay, so far, I have been able to get to level 11 without even leaving the night elf island, and only grouping once for a dungeon. So my knowledge of the world itself is limited to the island so far.

Soloing/Grouping: So far, I've been able to solo to my hearts content. If you want to group, you can select the "I would like to join a group" option in the /who window, which is similar to EQ's LFG window, but shows everyone in your area, lfg or not, and indicates if they are wanting to group or not.

Resting/Experience: The more you play, the more tired your character gets. Your character rests when you log off. If you log off at an inn, your character rests much more efficiently than if you just log off any where. A fully rested character, when killing mob, gets 200% experience. For example, if you kill a mob worth 100 experience points, you also get 100 more points for being fully rested. The more tired your character is, the less rested points you get. This means that people that only play for a couple hours a night still have the opportunity to get good experience, while someone that plays their character for hours, still gets good experience, but not as much rested experience. Also, if you log out just anywhere, it takes 30 seconds to camp, but if you log out at an inn, you can do so immediately.

Bind Points/Gating: In short, there are no bind points. When you die, you find your ghost in the graveyard nearest to your location of death. More on dying in a minute. At inns, if you talk to an innkeeper, you get a hearthstone. This stone, when activated, takes several seconds to cast, so is not an emergency item, ports you to the inn that you got it at. You can't use the hearthstone again for an hour. Anytime you get a new hearthstone, it overwrites your old one, so you can't port to every inn you've ever gotten a hearthstone at.

CRs/Death/Resurrection: This is one of my favourite aspects so far. No horrendous CRs and dying again to get to your corpse! There are three options. You can run back to your corpse as a ghost, if you have a cleric, paladin or shaman, you can get resurrected, or you can talk to someone in the graveyard who resurrects you. When you choose to run back to your corpse as a ghost, the ghost runs faster than a regular character to make running to your corpse a bit faster. Ghosts cannot interract with mobs or other players, except through private tells and group chat. Your corpse is indicated on your minimap and your world map for easy location. When you get within a certain range of your corpse, a window pops up that allows you to put your ghost back in your body fully clothed at 50% health/mana with no experience loss. When you get resurrected by a player, you experience resurrection effects for a time, and no experience loss. If you use the npc in the graveyard to get resurrected, you do sacrifice experience to do so. This option is ideally only used for when your corpse is in a place very difficult for you to out of once you're back in your body.

Maps: There is a small area map in the top corner that shows you your immediate area. The world map does not show you details to an area that you have not been to yet, so you just see the continent unless you've been in that area.

Zoning: So far, keeping in mind that I haven't left my island, there has been no zoning. When you enter a new area, the name of the area flashes across the screen, and that's it. As a bonus, when you "discover" an area you haven't been to, you get experience. Mobs will only chase you for a limited distance before giving up and returning to whence they came.

Quests: Quests are by far the best way to gain experience. Quest NPCs have bright yellow explanation points over their head to indicate they have a quest that is available to you. When you talk to them, you get to read what the quest is, and then accept or decline it until a later time. When you accept a quest, the exclamation point turns into a question mark to indicate that they are waiting for you to finish your quest. If you accept the quest, it is then added to your log to keep easy track of. When you complete the quest, it disappears from your log. I've had quests that involve collecting items off mobs, killing a certain amount of mobs, killing a certain named mob, collecting ground spawns, taking word or a package to another NPC, collecting items in chests to bring back to npcs, and filling a vial from different pools to return to an npc. You get experience from the mobs your killing, and than experience, and sometimes an item and/or money when you complete the quest. If a mob drops quest items, it will only drop quest items if you have accepted the quest. So there's no quest items cluttering up your inventory that you have no idea what they are for.

Druids: So far I've only played a druid. They're very versatile from what I've seen so far. They can heal, nuke, dot, and melee. They have regen, thorns, and root. Several spells, like thorns and dot, are insta-cast. Druids also get to shapeshift. So far I just have bear form, which is a melee form. You can't cast spells, but you can tank and taunt.

Pets: There are pet classes, hunters and mages I think, but as I have played neither, I can't give feedback on that. Anyone can buy non-combative pets that they can summon and have follow them around. They serve no purpose but are really adorable. They cost 20 silver I think, or 40. I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but keep in mind that mounts cost 100 gold. And currency conversion isn't the same as EQ. In EQ its 10:1. In WoW its 100:1. So it takes 100 copper to make 1 silver. In three days I've only collected 50ish silver. Most of which I spent on my spells. Currently the pets available are cats, rabbits, owls, parrots, and the rare dragon whelp. Roaches, rats and snakes are slated to be added soon. Also, ferrets, dogs, and monkeys have been added to the to do list, but at a low priority.

Meditation: There isn't any. You can however, consume food or drink that restore a certain amount of mana over a certain number of seconds. Same for health.

Fortunes!

I got the best fortune cookie today, ever. It simply said, "Behind every able man, there are always." Words to live by my friends, words to live by.

Tuesday Tuesome

Independence Day - USA
1. Are you celebrating the Fourth of July or treating it like any other Sunday? Most likely it will be like any other Sunday, except perhaps my parents might have us over for dinner.
2. What top two things do you do to celebrate the Fourth of July? Nothing.
3. What two things best describes this day for you? Too much ra-ra patriotic bullshit. If you really want to be patriotic, VOTE. Just an excuse for people to stay up too late setting off fireworks.
4. Are you going to light fireworks and/or watch a fireworks display? Not if I can help it.
5. What two things do you most look forward to about this day? It's a day off work. That's it.
--

Tuesday Twosome

When on vacation, I prefer:
1. "Flying by plane" or "Riding in a car" Depends on where I'm going. Obviously, if we're going overseas, then um, plane it is. If we're just going to say, Florida, then I'd drive unless we can find cheap plane tickets.
2. "Staying with friends/relatives" or "Hotel, hotel, hotel" Hotel. I don't want to have to explain myself to people every time we go out, and feel obliged to hang out with them since they're putting us up.
3. "Packaged tour" or "Plan it on my own" Plan it myself. I don't want to go by someone else's agenda.
4. "I want to get as far away from home as possible" or "Not more than a day drive away" Far away. It's not a vacation if you can get there and back over the weekend.
5. "A week or more is a true vacation" or "I want to be home within a week" A week or more. If it's just a couple days, it's not really a vacation.
--

OMG WOOT!

Yes, it's that time of year again... that's right, you guessed it. The time if fast approaching for... the Air Guitar World Championship! Aw yeah, tickets are on sale now. Go on, you know you want to.

Seriously, I can't decide if the archived video of the current title holder from the US, David "C-Diddy" Jung, is the saddest thing I've seen lately, or the funniest. Well, it's pretty freakin' hilarious to watch... but still sad. I mean, is that really something you want on your resume? "Air Guitar World Champion"...

Tuesday Twosome

Let's go swimming...
1. "Beach, Baby!" or "Pool, please"? Most likely a pool, since the nearest beach is quite far away.
2. "Check me out!" or "Does anyone have a tent I can wear?" Tent, please.
3. "Deep end of the pool" or "Floaties are my friend" Deep end... but it's more fun with floaties.
4. "SPF 45, hat and glasses, please" or "Tan, tan, tan" How about SPF 50, burn anyway, and peel for a week?
5. "I like to people watch" or "Hand me a book and leave me alone." Neither. How about having fun and like... swimming?
--

The Good, The Bad, and The Angry

The Good: by Wednesday of last week our AC was fixed.
The Bad: it broke again today.
The Angry: we saw Lewis Black live last night at Zanies. And it was fucking hilarious. The security even got to kick out some drunk bitch. Woot.

What's So Bad About Nudists?

Local churchmen in the town of Apeldoorn in the Netherlands have their panties in a bunch over a planned nudist bicycle tour that's going through the area on what just happened to be the same day as the churchs own youth group planned to go on aa charity bike ride. Coincidence? Hmm... the church bicycle tour organizer did know about the tour, which is part of the World Naked Bike Tour. The world naked bike tour will also be streaking through London, Chicago, Los Angeles, Montreal, Toronto and Pforzheim.

The Day the Music Died

Ray Charles died today at the age of 73. Read the obituary on Yahoo!.

The Memo

Check out the memo from March 2003 that has recently been released that basically says the President has the right to set aside law and excuse torturing the prisoners at Abu Ghraib as "necessary". Scarey stuff. The fact that this report that obviously had a great deal of time and research invested in it was sent out in early March of 2003 seems to me to indicate that the people way up in the chain of command planned to torture people and wanted to be able to justify such actions if necessary, and give the people doing the torturing an out by saying that they were ordered to by the President, and since he can put aside the law, they are not disobeying law.

On page 22 the memo states that "it is for the President alone to decide what methods to use to best prevail against the enemy" in times of war. It also states on the same page that any laws that would prevent the President from doing whatever is necessary to get intelligence to prevent attacks on the US would be unconstitutional. On page 23 it goes on to state that "harm inflicted by necessity may include intentional homicide, so long as the harm avoided is greater." To me this says that the President has license to kill whomever he wants and then write it off as being necessary to the security of the US and that to deny him the right to do so would be against the Constitution... and to me, that's wrong and that's frightening to think that he would have to right to do that. What's more frightening to me is that he thinks he's doing the will of God. That's just fucking insane. Who else thought they were doing the will of God? The terrorists.

If I were God, I would be hella pissed at all these people saying I talk to them and try to excuse the things they do as being in my name.

Get Rush Off the Air...

...to our troops overseas at least. Rush Limbaugh is being aired on the American Forces Radio, telling them that the images of torture and rape are ... not that bad. And he's not the only right wing nut on the AFR. However there are no opposite views available, such as Air America's Al Franken. Sign the petition to get Rush off the AFR.

Tuesday Twosome

What are the first two things you do:
1. When you are lied to? Depends on if I know I'm being lied to. If I don't... I don't do anything I suppose. If I do, then I call them on it and talk about it I guess. Or maybe go off and fume about it and forget about it.
2. When you make a mistake? Fix it? And um... uh... that's all I can think of.
3. When you embarrass yourself in public? Try to go somewhere else as soon as possible. Okay so that's not two things...
4. When you see someone make a fool of themselves? Laugh! And um... point? No not really, but it said two things.
5. When you realize you have hurt someone (emotionally)? Be wracked with guilt and then apologize profusely.
--

Do You Hate Gays?

I hope not. If you do, get the hell off my website. If you don't, go here and say YES on a poll asking if "Does America need a TV network dedicated to pushing the homosexual agenda?".

This SUCKS

AC's been out for two days. Kill me.

Tuesday Twosome

Meh. So it's late. Sue me. I've been busy.

The first two things you do...
1. When you wake up: Okay, not to state the obvious here but... turn off the alarm, and get out of bed. Or alternatively, hit the snooze button, and roll over.
2. When you get out of the shower: Again, not to state the obvious... dry off and hang up my towels.
3. When you get to work/school: Park the car and get out of it. Okay, I'm just full of it today I know. This hasn't been the best day/week.
4. When you get into the car: Turn it on and buckle up.
5. When you get home: Hang up my keys and take off my shoes.
--

What Ever Happened to Class?

I remember once upon a time, long long ago, if you called the wrong phone number or received a phone call from someone with the wrong number the conversation would go like this:

Person A: Hi, can I speak to [insert some bloke's name here]?
Person B: I'm sorry, you must have the wrong number.
Person A: Oh my, terribly sorry for the bother.

Now compare that conversation to the one that I had on my cell phone earlier today.

Phone rings. Yours truly looks at the number and doesn't recognize it.
Your Heroine: Hello?
Unknown Person: Can I talk to Brianne.
Charming Individual: I'm sorry, you have the wrong number.
Stupid Bitch: Can I talk to Brianne?
Polite Person: You have the wrong number, there's no Brianne here.
Obnoxious Woman: Is this [insert my phone number here]?
Slightly Annoyed: Yes it is.
Oblivious Ass: Well, then let me talk to Brianne.
Increasingly Irritated: Look, this is my cell phone and I'm not Brianne. You have the wrong number.
Clueless Wench: This is Tambra.
Pissed Off: Good for you. I'm still not Brianne. And you still have the wrong number.
Hangs up.

I'm rather surprised she didn't call me back and bitch me out for hanging up on her. The check out lady at the pharmacy apparently thought my end of the conversation was quite amusing.

Tuesday Twosome

1. Name two things you will miss this summer: Going on vacation; nothing planned this year, what with the new job and all. Cool weather.
2. Name two things that you won't miss this summer: Driving my car to work in the midafternoon heat.
3. Vacation: "Planning on one" or "Don't have the time and/or money to take one": Don't have the time this year.
4. Warmer weather: "Finally" or "Crap! I want cooler weather": Cooler weather all the way. Heat gives me a migraine and makes it hard for me to breath.
5. Memorial Day (USA): "A much needed day off" or "I have to work": Much needed day off. I can't wait!

--

Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding)

(This made me giggle.)
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence..
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story:
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,"..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Tuesday Twosome

1. Cell phones: "Annoying" or "convenient": Both. I like the convenience of having a phone I can use whenever I want. I like having my phone at work since I don't have a phone of my own. But sometimes, I just want to be left alone. Other people on cell phones, say, while driving their car 10 miles under the speed limit in the fast lane are annoying. People on cell phones talking loudly in restaurants are annoying. Ditto for in the movie theatre.
2. Last two people that called you: Daryl and Robbie. In that order.
3. Last two people you called: Robbie and my parents.
4. Caller ID: "Wonderful" or "too much information": Wonderful! I like knowing what to expect when I answer the phone. If I'm busy, then I like knowing who it is so I can call back later. Or if I want to just not talk to someone at that time.
5. Call Waiting: "I hate missing a call" or "Stop interrupting me": Meh. A little from column A, a little from column B. I don't usually have so many people calling me that I have to use call waiting. When I do, I hate having to cut someone short. I think it was Ellen Degeneres that called call waiting a little miniature "People's Choice" award. If someone puts you on hold and then comes back and says "I'm going to have to take this call," that means that they just said to the other person "let me get rid of this other call."
--

Fri5 Replacement

I'm in the market for a new weekly blogger thingie, in the vein of Friday 5. With Friday 5 gone, my blogger has been... sad and unupdated. I took a jaunt over to the Memes List thinking perhaps to get a good one for Tuesdays. I briefly glanced at Chick Chat before I was overwhelmed with Really Girliness™ and had to leave, and I rather doubt my male readers are really interested in whether I wear a scented or unscented deodorant. Then I took a look at the Tuesday Iffers, but I'm wanting something with a larger fanbase than a handful of people. I enjoyed getting hits from Fri5 readers. So yeah, I'm being picky. I have answered the "Tuesday Twosome" once before, and maybe I'll take that one back up again. It doesn't seem to get many hits either, but I like it, and with the falling out of Fri5 perhaps they'll pick up some people.

Top 10 Album Covers EVER!

Awwww, yeah.

College Students + Beer = Silly Results

Some of the fine students of NC State University discovered that one of our local news stations, News 14 Carolina, would allow any business to call in to report a closing, or open an account and report it online. The kicker is, they don't check the business name or contact information. Well, they didn't then. They do now.

Check out the images of "business closings" that were actually listed on the news.

It's a Sad, Sad Day From Friday 5:

This is the end of the Friday Five. I know most of you have seen this coming and I appreciate you humoring me. I haven't enjoyed it for some time now and because of that I can no longer justify the bandwidth. I'm not going to give it away or sell it or bring anyone on to help; Two-and-a-half years is a good run. Let's let it go.

Thank you to everyone who has participated over the past 2+ years, for taking this silly little idea and running with it. Thanks again to the donators for their generosity and thoughtfulness, and those of you who have emailed me notes of support and encouragement over the last few months.

The notify list will remain as-is, just in case. The archives will remain down since that's where most of the bandwidth suck has been. Globe of Blogs is not going anywhere, so get your blog listed if you haven't already.

--

X_X Have you ever had a sore throat so bad that the thought of drowning in your own saliva seems preferable to swallowing or opening your mouth to spit? The inside of my throat looks like how I would imagine the inside of an alien would look. And joy of joys, the "upper resperitory" infection seems to have gotten tired of just tormenting my throat, and has moved on to my inner ear as well. So not only can I not talk, the only thing I can hear clearly is my own heart beat in my head. The icing on the cake for me is that I start work full-time tomorrow morning. Isn't that just bloody great.

Fri5 Still no Friday 5, and the archived ones have been temporarily taken down due to excessive bandwidth.
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Fan Mail! Woot. It's time for fan mail, boys and girls! Today's fanmail is from an Evan Beaton.

Who are you? You are a no name skank ass bitch who thinks they can be a somebody in life when in reality you are a NOTHING. You are the CORN in my SHIT and that is TRULY a COMPLIMENT to you. You smell like CABBAGE.
You are definitely the BIGGEST retard on earth and shouldnt breathe the same air as me.
What is your CONTRIBUTION to LIFE? if you can answer this then REPLY SKANK.
LATER

*Flips card over and reads the back* Oh lookie, its a Hotmail. "When you care enough to hate the very best!" How sweet.

Aww, and the opinion of a total stranger, who obviously has done so much with their life since they are sitting around sending out emails that have nothing of intelligence to say, no apparent reason for sending the email, and have an overwhelming predilection towards the caps lock key, means *so* much to me. Thanks for the laugh. You're funny. :-) I guess that makes your contribution to life sending out seemingly random, insulting emails to people. Congratulations. :-)

Sláinte! I know it's been a couple of weeks since I last did one of these, and I doubt anyone cares anyway, but I'll have to get back into it next week and not this one, since right now I'm in North Carolina, and I'm tired and don't feel like researching and typing up one. Wow, was that a long run-on sentence or what.
--

Fri5 Oh ya, forgot to mention. No Friday 5 this week again. And I just couldn't be buggered to do an archived one on time. But since I'm bored now, here's a late one, originally posted October 5, 2001 and another from October 26, 2001.
1. What's on top of your refrigerator? Whatever finds its way up there. Mostly miscellanous papers, like receipes and stuff, and bread.
2. What's your favorite meal of the day? I don't have one.
3. Wash dishes by hand or in the dishwasher? What detergent do you use? Dishwasher. Whatever we picked up at the store. Nothing specific.
4. How often do you eat out compared to eating in? Just about every weekday I grab something fast for lunch. Generally something with grilled chicken from Toxic Hell... er... Taco Bell, or chicken nuggets from McDonald's.
5. How do you plan to spend your weekend? Weekends over. I spent it lazing about, reading books, and on the internet.

1. What's your favorite time of day? Anytime after I get off work.
2. What's your least favorite time of day? Anytime when I have to wake up.
3. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Does it cause any problems? Night owl. Some, yeah. I find it hard to get up to go to work, and since Daryl can't stay up late, and I like to stay up late, that causes some problems there.
4. If you had an entire worry- and obligation-free day, what would you do with it? Absolutely nothing! Generally, the same thing I do on the weekends.
5. How do you plan to spend your weekend? See above!
--

Hrm Man's Anatomy and Shoe Size - Penis Size Conversion Chart - American, British, European, Japanese, Inches, Centimeters, & Mondopoint Shoe Sizes vs. Penis Size

Fri5
1. What do you do for a living? Data entry for Medicare. I'm the shift lead, which basically means I get to do more work for the same amount of pay by acting as the supervisor when the manager's not around.
2. What do you like most about your job? I don't have to deal with the public, and besides the occasional question from co-workers about a Medicare claim, I generally get left alone.
3. What do you like least about your job? It's too damn far away, and it's only part-time. They keep saying they're going full time, but it's always "soon", but since we just implemented a totally new claims processing system and the work is building up, that "soon" really will be.
4. When you have a bad day at work it's usually because _____... Migraines.
5. What other career(s) are you interested in? Paralegal.
--

Sláinte! So yeah, there's no Sláinte! this week, but I doubt anyone noticed anyway. I've been sick, and couldn't be buggered to do it.
--

Fri5 No Friday Five again this week, it seems. So, rather than leave this area blank, I'm going back to the very first Friday Five ever posted and answering it instead. And out of utter boredom, the next one as well.

September 21, 2001
1. Where were you born (city or state or just country)? East Ridge, Tennessee. That's on the outskirts of Chattanooga. It's up in the mountains, and daddy used to joke that I was a "ridge runner".
2. What is your favorite number? Seven. I don't know why, it just is.
3. Vanilla or chocolate? Assuming ice cream, vanilla. But I like chocolate syrup on it.
4. What section of a bookstore would I find you in? Fantasy for teh win! Or the magazine section, picking up my favorite fantasy magazine, Realms of Fantasy.
5. What kind of mattress do you have on your bed? soft? firm? water? Firm. I prefer it. Soft mattresses make my back hurt. But not hard, just firm enough to support my back.

September 28, 2001
1. Laying on your back and facing the ceiling, which side of the bed do you sleep on? The right side since I like facing the edge of the bed when I'm getting to sleep, and I generally sleep on my right side.
2. Do you have to have covers (blankets and/or sheets) at all costs, no matter the weather? Yes. Because I have asthma, I find it easier to breathe when the air is on the colder side, so I try to a/c low, and snuggle up under my blankets with them pulled up over my head. Plus I find the weight of them rather comforting.
3. Sleep nekkid or no? Why? Depends on my mood. Lately I haven't been sleeping nekkid. No particular reason.
4. What's under your bed? Not much. A couple of plastic containers that I store things I don't need in.
5. If you have pets, do you let them sleep with you? Why or why not? No. For one thing, while I have a cat, I don't have her at my apartment. My parents have her right now because our apartment doesn't allow pets. If I did have her however, I still wouldn't allow her to sleep on the bed. I tried that once and woke up with a really bad stuffy nose and watery eyes. Damn long-haired cat and my allergies.
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Sláinte! Today brings the lyrics of The Irish Rover, April Fool's Day traditions in Ireland, another Gaelic word to go with sláinte, and a couple of Irish toasts.

The Irish Rover

The one verse in italics is, at the bar I frequent, not generally sung. The audience participation parts are also from the bar I frequent. I don't know if they are universal or not.

On the fourth of July eighteen hundred and six*
We set sail from the sweet cove of Cork
We were sailing away with a cargo of bricks
For the grand city hall in New York
'Twas a wonderful craft, she was rigged fore-and-aft
And oh, how the wild winds drove her.
She had twenty-three masts and withstood several blasts
And we called her the Irish Rover.

We had one million bags of the best Sligo rags
We had two million barrels of stones
We had three million sides of old blind horses hides,
We had four million barrels of bones.
We had five million hogs, we had six million dogs,
Seven million barrels of porter.
We had eight million bales of old nanny goats' tails,
In the hold of the Irish Rover.

There was awl Mickey Coote who played hard on his flute
When the ladies lined up for his set
He was tootin' with skill for each sparkling quadrille*
Though the dancers were fluther'd and bet*
With his sparse witty talk he was cock of the walk
As he rolled the dames under and over
They all knew at a glance when he took up his stance
And he sailed in the Irish Rover

There was Barney McGee from the banks of the Lee,
There was Hogan from County Tyrone
There was Jimmy McGurk who was scarred stiff of work
And a man from Westmeath called Malone
There was Slugger O'Toole who was drunk as a rule
And fighting Bill Tracey from Dover
And your man Mick McCann from the banks of the Bann
Was the skipper of the Irish Rover

We had sailed seven years when the measles broke out
And the ship lost it's way in a fog. (Audience: Big fog!)
And that whale of the crew was reduced down to two,
Just meself and the captain's old dog.
Then the ship struck a rock, oh Lord what a shock (Audience: bang on the table with your beer glass)
The ship it was turned right over
Turned nine times around, and the poor dog was drowned (Audience: Glug, glug, glug)
I'm the last of the Irish Rover

*The first line is sometimes sung as "In the year of our Lord, eighteen hundred and six". A quadrille is a type of square dance that caught on in the early 1900s in France and England. Fluthered is Irish slang for being drunk, but I'm not sure what the last part of the phrase "fluthered and bet" means. I've also heard of a chorus to each verse, but I've never actually heard it. The chorus purportedly goes thus: So fare thee well, my own true love, / I'm going far from you, / And I will swear by the stars above / Forever I'll be true to you, / Tho' as I part, it breaks my heart, / Yet when the trip is over / I'll come back again in true Irish style / Aboard the Irish Rover.

April Fool's Day Prior to the 16th century, the New Year was celebrated on April 1st. When Pope Gregory introduced the new Christian calender in 1582, New Year's Day became January 1st. The people that didn't hear the news continued to celebrate New Years on April 1st as usual, and this is probably how the custom of giving people false news on April 1st was spread. A common practical joke in Ireland was to have a note delivered to someone that says "send the fool further". These would often also have a verse that reads "don't you laugh, and don't you smile, send the gowk another mile." A gowk is a Celtic word for cuckoo and is slang for a gullible or naive person. Traditionally, the pranks and false errands are only supposed to continue until noon. Information from irishcultureandcustoms.com.

Health and Wealth Another word that goes with sláinte is taáinte, meaning wealth. So the phrase would go "sláinte is taáinte" meaning health and wealth, and would be pronounced slancha iss tancha, or more accurately SLAWN-chuh iss TAWN-chuh.

Cheers! By the way, a poltroon is a coward.
He's a fool who give over the liquor,
It softens the skinflint at once,
It urges the slow coach on quicker,
Gives spirit and brains to the dunce.
The man who is dumb as a rule
Discovers a great deal to say,
While he who is bashful since Yule
Will talk in an amorous way.
It's drink that uplifts the poltroon
To give battle in France and in Spain,
Now here is an end of my turn-
And fill me that bumper again!

For [insert city of your choosing] hath no sober man,
Or none of milk sop thinkers,
And no philosophical fools,
But great and glorious drinkers!

Sláinte!
AllieKat

--

Pervy Hobbit Fanciers Now all you pervy hobbit fanciers can buy your own Elvish strawberry-scented soap straight from Rivendell! Complete with sparklies. Hobbits not included.

12 Reasons to Be Against Gay Marriage Okay, okay, don't go off on me or anything. This is supposed to be funny look at all the stupid reasons people have for saying gay people shouldn't get married and emphasising how stupid those reasons are. I'm totally in support of gay marriage.

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.

2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can't legally get married because the world needs more children.

3. Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if Gay marriage is allowed, since Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.

5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are property, blacks can't marry whites, and divorce is illegal.

6. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.

7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why there is only one religion in America.

8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

10. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.

11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to things like cars or longer lifespan.

12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a "separate but equal" institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.

Shamelessly copied from 12reasons.com. Go there and grab the printable PDF file.

Fri5 No Friday Five this week.
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Rant Time! Yup. It's rant time. My rant tonight is one of those "oh my god I sound like my parents" rants, but I don't care. First, a disclaimer. I have nothing against goths. Nothing. I'm talking about the stupid little Goth-wannabe's that don't have a thing to be depressed about in their life and wouldn't know depressed if it jumped up and bit them on the ass. Onto the rant. Here it is. When the hell did it become cool to be depressed. You know what I'm talking about. Those little 13 year old rich kids who shop at Hot Topic and listen to Manson and all they can talk about is how much life sucks. Oh boo hoo, my parents love me, and took my all black clothes with all the belts and chains and buckles away that they paid for, and the angry metal music CDs that they paid for because I made 3 Fs on my report card. What the hell do these little punks think is so damn bad? They have no right to all this fake anger they think they feel. At 13 years old, living in a nice house, in a nice town, wearing clothes from Abercrombie and Goth, er I mean, Hot Topic, that their parents are nice enough to buy for them so they can pretend to be goths, what is so bad for them? I've seen and talked to and known people that have a right to be depressed. And I'm not even talking about people on the street, people that sell their body so they can get that next hit, things like that. I'm talking on the same level as the 13 year old goth-wannabes. Kids whose parents don't care what they do, so long as they leave them alone. Kids who don't have parents. Kids that don't have homes, or food, or clothes, let alone a computer and the internet to say anything about it. These goth-wannabe kids don't have anything to bitch about until they flunk out of school and have to resort to whole new lows because they can't get a job except flipping McDonald's burgers to pay for their shitty little hovel apartments. Then they can be depressed, and wish they had appreciated what they had while they had it. Until then, shut the fuck up and get the fuck over it.

Yeah, I know, for a 13 year old maybe that having your clothes taken away, and your CDs and such does suck. It wasn't that long ago that I was that age, I remember how it felt to have things not go my way. But that doesn't mean life sucks and it's time to piss and moan about it. How about appreciating having a family that cares enough about your well-being to take the time out of their day to take your all-black, chain encrusted clothing, and your angry, growling music away because they want you to do better? How about appreciating the fact that your parents got you the computer, and the internet, and the education that you're using to bitch and moan about how it's bullshit and your parents are such fucking losers.

In case you were wondering, this came about from me stumbling across a web journal of one of these said whiney 13 year old goth-wannabe's.

Like I said at the beginning, I don't have anything against actual goths. People that dress and act this way as a form of self-expression. But these little wanna-be's aren't expressing themselves anymore than the yuppies that all shop at Gap. They're just dressing and acting that way because it's the "thing to do".

This all reminds Denis Leary bit about how life sucks and you should just take the happiness you have and get over it.

God...
"I'm just not happy. I'm just not happy. I'm just not happy because my life didn't turn out the way I thought it would."
Hey! Join the fucking club, ok!? I thought I was going to be the starting center fielder for the Boston Red Socks. Life sucks, get a fucking helmet, all right?!
"I'm not happy. I'm not happy."
Nobody's happy, ok!? Happiness comes in small doses folks. It's a cigarette, or a chocolate cookie, or a five second orgasm. That's it, ok! You cum, you eat the cookie, you smoke the butt, you go to sleep, you get up in the morning and go to fucking work, ok!? That is it! End of fucking list!
"I'm just not happy."
Shut the fuck up, all right? That's the name of my new book, "Shut the Fuck Up, by Doctor Denis Leary. A revolutionary new form of therapy."
I'm gonna have my patients come in:
"Doctor, I..."
"Shut the fuck up, next!"
"I don't feel so..."
"Shut the fuck up, next!"
"He made me feel so much better about myself, you know? He just told me to shut the fuck up and nobody had ever told me that before. I feel so much better now."
Whining fucking maggots.

-- Denis Leary

Yeah, I feel so much better now, too.

How Screwed Up Am I?

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Low
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

Me? Create a fantasy world? Never!

Sláinte! Today I asked my husband what his favourite Irish song was and his response was, "When I think of Irish music, the song that always comes to mind first is Star of the County Down." So today I bring you the lyrics and a bit of history to that song, a quote from James Plunkett about how Ireland got it's name, and a bit of folklore that goes with it, and another Irish toast.

The Star of the County Down

The tune to this song is quite old dating back to the early 1700s, and has been used in other songs as well. This song is about a man that becomes enamored with a maid named Rosie McCann in the County Down. County Down is in the north of Ireland, and Banbridge is located south of Belfast.

Near Banbridge town, in the County Down
One morning in July
Down a boreen green came a sweet colleen*
And she smiled as she passed me by.
She looked so sweet from her two white feet
To the sheen of her nut-brown hair
Such a coaxing elf, I'd to shake myself
To make sure I was standing there.

Chorus
From Bantry Bay up to Derry Quay
And from Galway to Dublin town
No maid I've seen like the sweet colleen
That I met in the County Down.

As she onward sped I shook my head
And I gazed with a feeling rare
And I said, says I, to a passerby
"Who's the maid with the nut-brown hair?"
He smiled at me, and with pride says he,
"That's the gem of Ireland's crown.
She's young Rosie McCann from the banks of the Bann
She's the star of the County Down."

Chorus

I've traveled a bit, but never was hit
Since my roving career began
But fair and square I surrendered there
To the charms of young Rose McCann.
I'd a heart to let and no tenant yet
Did I meet with in shawl or gown
But in she went and I asked no rent
From the star of the County Down.

Chorus

At the crossroads fair I'll be surely there
And I'll dress in my Sunday clothes
And I'll try sheep's eyes, and deludhering lies
On the heart of the nut-brown rose.
No pipe I'll smoke, no horse I'll yoke
Though with rust my plow turns brown
Till a smiling bride by my own fireside
Sits the star of the County Down.

Chorus

*Boreen means a country lane or narrow road, and comes from the Gaelic word bóithrín. A colleen is a young, unwedded woman, originating from the Gaelic word cailín. I haven't been able to find a meaning of the word "deludhering", but from the phrase "I'll try sheep's eyes, and deludhering lies on the heart of the nut-brown rose" I'm guessing that the man in the song means to "make eyes" at her (looking at her invitingly) and speaking charming words to her to pique her interest. Is there anyone out there that can tell me if that is what this really means?

How Ireland Got It's Name

Once upon a time, thousands of years ago, when the country was inhabited by a race of wizards and sorcerers, the three kings who rules there were married to three sisters. Each of the sisters was beautiful and each in turn gave her name to the country. One of these sisters was called Banba, another Fodhla and third, Eire. And it was from Eire Ireland got her name.

--James Plunkett

During the time of the Tuatha de Danaan, there was three kings, Eathur, Teathur and Ceathur, and they were brothers. Each brother married one of the three sisters, Banba, Fodhla, and Eiru. The country was, at one time, known by each of these names. Now, only Eiru survives as the name, and only in the south of Ireland. The north of Ireland prefers the name Ulster, to distinguish themselves from the "southern barbarians". When the Milesians came to Ireland to conquer the island, each of the three sisters appeared to Amairgin (or Amergin), the son of the Mil, who was the leader of the Milesians, and a bard. When Eriu welcomes Amairgin, he accepts the welcome, and for this she blesses him. He then promises that the island will be named after her forever. He also meets with Fodhla and Banba and promises to them that their names will be remembered as two of the names for the island. A lovely version of the story of the Milesians coming to Ireland is found in Bard: the Odyssey of the Irish by Morgan Llewellyn.

Cheers
May you have warm words on a cold evening,
A full moon on a dark night.
And the road downhill all the way to your door.

Sláinte!
AllieKat

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Fri5 If you...
1. ...owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve? Vegetarian. The world... or at least Nashville... has need of more good vegetarian restaurants.
2. ...owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell? Books.
3. ...wrote a book, what genre would it be? Fantasy.
4. ...ran a school, what would you teach? Music.
5. ...recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it? Irish.
--

Sláinte For our second issue, we have the lyrics and some background to the song The Wearing of the Green, the history of Saint Patrick, wearing green and other Saint Patrick's Day traditions, and a traditional Saint Patrick's Day toast.

The Wearing of the Green

by Dion Boucicault (1820-1890)

O Paddy dear, and did you hear the news that going round?
The shamrock is forbid by law to grow on Irish ground;
St. Patrick's Day no more we'll keep, his colours can't be seen,
For there's a bloody law against the wearing of the green.
I met with Napper Tandy and he took me by the hand,
And he said, "How's poor old Ireland, and how does she stand?"
She's the most distressful counterie that ever yet was seen,
And they're hanging men and women for the wearing of the green.

Then since the colour we must wear is England's cruel red,
Sure Ireland's sons will ne'er forget the blood that they have shed.
You may take a shamrock from your hat and cast it on the sod,
It will take root and flourish there though underfoot it's trod.
When law can stop the blades of grass from growing as they grow,
And when the leaves in summer-time their verdure dare not show,
Then will I change the colour that I wear in my caubeen
But 'till that day, please God, I'll stick to wearing of the green.

But if at last our colour should be torn from Ireland's heart,
Our sons with shame and sorrow from this dear old isle will part;
I've heard a whisper of a land that lies beyond the sea
Where rich and poor stand equal in the light of freedom's day.
O Erin, must we leave you driven by a tyrant's hand?
Must we ask a mother's blessing from a strange and distant land?
Where the cruel cross of England shall nevermore be seen,
And where, please God, we'll live and die still wearing of the green!

The wearing of green on Saint Patrick's Day began as a symbol of resistance to British rule, and the law that forbade the growing of shamrocks. The British began executing people found wearing green, as traitors against the crown. Dion Boucicault, the Dublin playwrite who wrote the poem, found that he had to leave the country after word of his poem spread, and so did James Napper Tandy, a Dublin shopkeeper and rebel. The poem was from Boucicault's play Arrah na Pogue (Gaelic for Exchange of Kisses). The tune to the song has been traced back to James Oswald, a Scottish musician, which is the same tune for the song The Orange and the Green and The Rising of the Moon.

Saint Patrick's Day

Saint Patrick's given name was Maewyn Succat, and he was born in Kilpatrick, Scotland, around 387 AD. Until the age of 16, he considered himself a pagan. When he was 16, he was sold into slavery when marauders under the leadership of Niall of the Nine Hostages raided his village. He escaped slavery after 6 years and went to Gaul to study in a monastery. While he was training, he adopted the Christian name of Patrick, and his wishes were to follow his perceived calling of converting the pagans in Ireland to Christianity. He traveled across Ireland, establishing several monasteries. He also set up schools and churches to aid him. His actions upset the local druids, and he was arrested several times, but he always escaped. To gain the support of the King Laoghaire, High King of Tara, he plucked a shamrock and used it's three leaves to explain the holy trinity. The rumour of Patrick ridding Ireland of snakes is, in fact, a metaphor for his convering the island to Christianity. The snakes represent the pagans. After spending 30 years on his mission, he retired to County Down, and died on March 17th, 460 AD. Saint Patrick's Day was first celebrated in America in 1737.

Wearing of the Green The colour green being associated with Saint Patrick's Day has nothing to do with St. Patrick at all, since St. Patrick's colour was blue, not green. But the colour green became a symbol of support for Ireland when the British forbade the growing of shamrocks, and the wearing of green in Ireland. Irish schoolchildren began the tradition of pinching people that did not wear green on Saint Patrick's Day, and that tradition is still practiced now.

Traditions In America, people often eat corned beef and cabbage to celebrate Saint Patrick's Day. In Ireland, however, the more traditional meal is ham and cabbage, or bacon and cabbage. It became corned beef in America, when the poor Irish immigrants couldn't afford bacon, and had to use a cheaper substitute.

Erin go bragh is a popular phrase that you'll hear on Saint Patrick's day. It's pronounced erin guh brawk, and means "Ireland forever". It's actual gaelic spelling is Éireann go Brách.

Cheers!
Saint Patrick was a gentleman
Who through strategy and stealth
Drove all the snakes from Ireland,
Here's a toasting to his health;
But not too many toastings
Lest you lose yourself and then
Forget the good Saint Patrick
And see all those snakes again.

Sláinte!
AllieKat

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Fri5
1. What was the last song you heard? John McDermott singing Streets of London
2. What were the last two movies you saw? Mona Lisa Smile and Looney Tunes Back in Action
3. What were the last three things you purchased? Lunch today, dinner today, and a dozen votive candles.
4. What four things do you need to do this weekend? Return the videos I rented. Go to bed early on Sunday. That's it. It's the weekend, and I'm not doing anything constructive. That's what weekdays are for.
5. Who are the last five people you talked to? Daryl. My mother. My grandmother. Robbie. The carhop at Sonic when I got dinner.
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Headlights Ya know, when Robbie pointed out I had a headlight out on my car, I had no idea what I was in store for. I thought, no problem, nothing major, should be easy. Boy, was I wrong. On the way to work, I stopped at Auto Zone. They didn't have it. They said it was special order, and to just try the dealership. On the way to work, I called the dealership where I got my car. I talked to a guy in the parts department. I told him I needed a headlight for an '03 Malibu, and a hubcap. He said I could pick it up before 5:30. I don't get off work til 6. So he said, just give me a card number and I'll charge it, and leave it at the front desk, which is open until 8. Okay no problem. I asked him how much the light was. He said "two ninety six". Now, I've never bought a headlight before. I'm thinking 2 dollars and 96 cents. Which is fine. I ask him how much the hubcap is. It was something like 25 dollars. So on the way home from work, I drop by the Chevy dealer and go in to pick up my parts. The lady at the front desk brings out this huge fuck-off box. I'm like... um, what's this? Then I look at the receipt. Two hundred and ninety six dollars. The guy thought I wanted an entire headlight assembly. Then there was another tiny square box, about ... oh, 10 inches x 10 inches x 1 inch. So I ask what that is. She says it's my hubcap. No way can that be my hubcap. It's not big enough. I told her to open it up, so she did. It's just the very center piece of the hubcap that pops into place and covers the bolts, not the entire hubcap. They say they'll refund the money to my card. Great. So the 300 dollars I had in that account for my car payment is MIA until it gets credited back to my account. At least it didn't overdraft... now if I can just avoid a late payment. On the way home, I figure what the hell, I'll stop at Advance Auto Parts. I called on the way to see if they had it. The computer wasn't working, just stop in. Fine, I'll be right there. I go in. The guy tries the computer again. They don't have it. Then he looks at me, standing there in utter frustration, and says "I take it that's not the first time you've heard that today..." The next day, Wednesday, I was finally able to go into the Chevy dealership, get my receipt for the 300 bucks they tried to charge me and get the actual bulb. The first they said when I walked in was, "You're the headlight lady aren't you?" Blarg.

Sláinte! For our first "episode" of Slainte! I bring you a quote from Niall Ó Dubhthaigh about the word slainte, which is more appropriately spelled with a á, the lyrics to the song Johnston's Motor Car , what is tradional in Ireland for the celebration of someone's birthday, in honor of yesterday being Robbie's birthday, and finally, a traditional Irish toast suitable for a birthday celebration. Sláinte!

Sláinte!

In my young days, when two or three men went in for a drink together, it was the custom for them to go into a back room -- a snug. They never stood at the counter. Each of them would strike three hefty blows on the table, and in a flash, the barmaid would be in to see what they wanted. She would be ordered to bring them a half-pint of whiskey and, in due course, she would return with a jug and a glass. Should there be ten men in the company, they would still only have the one glass. The man who had ordered and paid for the drink would then stand up and hand a glass of whiskey to the man nearest to him, who would then say 'Here's health' (Seo do shláinte) to which the first man might answer, 'God grant you health' (Sláinte ó Dhia duit). That's the kind of toast they used to drink and it was always with a blow of the ash plant that they summoned the barman or barmaid.

-Niall Ó Dubhthaigh

Editor's note: Seo do sláinte is pronounced shuh duh slancha, and Sláinte ó Dhia duit is pronounced slancha jeeuh ditch.

Johnston's Motor Car

lyrics by William Gillespie
tune by Johnnie Long

This song is about the I.R.A. commandeering Doctor Johnston's car. They trick him with a telegram of a "medical emergency" and the good doctor jumps in his car to head there. As he heads over the railway bridge, the rebels are lying in wait and take his car. The song was first performed in 1919, the year that it happened.

It was down by Egan's corner
One morning I did stray
I met a fellow rebel there
And this to him did say
We have orders from the Captain
To assemble at Drumbar
But how are we to get there
Without a motor car

Well Barney dear be of good cheer
And I'll tell you what we'll do
The Specials they are plentiful
And the I.R.A. are few
We'll wire into Stranorlar
And before we'll get that far
We'll give the boys a jolly good ride
In Johnston's motor car

When Doctor Johnston got the news
He soon put on his shoes
He said, This is an urgent case
And there is not time to lose
He then put on his castor hat
And upon his breast a star
You could hear the din going through Glen Fin
Of Johnston's motor car

But when he got to the Reelin Bridge
The rebels he saw there
He knew the game was up with him
For at him they did stare
He said, I have a permit
To travel near and far
You can stick your English permit
We want your motor car

What will my loyal brethren say
Whene'er they hear the news
My car it has been commandeered
By the rebels at Dunluce
We'll give you a receipt for it
All signed by Captain Meagher
And when Ireland gets her freedom
You'll get your motor car

They set the car in motion
And filled it to the brim
With rifles and with bayonets
This made old Johnston grim
And Barney hoisted the Sinn Fein* flag
And it fluttered like a star
And they gave three cheers for the I.R.A.
And Johnston's motor car

*The Sinn Fein is the oldest political party in Ireland, whose objective is to end British rule in Ireland. Their name comes from the Gaelic expression for "We ourselves". They were founded in 1905. The "Sinn Fein flag" is the tri-coloured flag that is now the international flag of Ireland, which replaced the green flag with the golden harp in the period between 1922 and 1937, and became the offical flag in the Constitution of 1937, Article 7, which states "The national flag is the tricolour of green, white and orange."

Also, the most heard version of the song, popularized by the Dubliners, misnames many of the places. The actual correct version of the song, as written by Willie Gillespie follows. Click the link to see an actual picture of Doctor Johnston himself, and read more about this song's history.

Down by Brockagh Corner one morning I did stray,
When I met another rebel bold, who this to me did say:
I've orders from the Captain to assemble at Drumbar
But how are we to reach Dungloe without a Motor Car?

O Barney dear, be of good cheer and I'll tell you what we'll do.
The Black and Tans have plenty guns altho' we have but few.
We'll wire down to Stranorlar before we walk so far,
And we'll give the boys a jolly ride on Johnston's Motor Car.

When Johnston got the wire then he soon pulled on his shoes.
He says this case is urgent, there's little time to lose.
He wore a fancy caster hat and on his breast a star.
You could hear the din going through Glenfin of Johnston's Motor Car.

When he came to the Reelin Bridge, he met some rebels there.
He knew the game was up with him, and at them he did stare.
He said I've got a permit for travelling out so far
You can keep your English permit, but we want your motor car.

What will my loyal comrades say when I get to Drumboe.
To say my car was commandeered by rebels from Dungloe.
We'll give you a receipt for her, its signed by Captain Maher,
And when Ireland's free, then we will see to Johnston's Motor Car.

They put the car in motion, they filled it to the brim.
With guns and bayonets shining, while Johnston he did grin.
When Barney waved a Sinn Fein flag, she shot off like a star
And they gave three cheers for freedom and for Johnston's Motor Car.

When the loyal crew they heard the news, it grieved their hearts full sore.
They swore they'd have reprisals before they would give o'er.
In vain they searched through Glenties, the Rosses and Kilcar,
While the I.R.A. their flags displayed on Johnston's Motor Car.

Birthday Tradition in Ireland

In a varation of the spanking we usually give the birthday boy or girl here, in Ireland, the lucky child is turned upside down and bumped on the floor once for every year of their life... plus one for "good" luck.

Editor's note: Robbie declined his "birthday bump". Oh well.

A Traditional Birthday Toast
May you live to be a hundred years, with one extra year to repent.
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Poem While going through some of the things I brought over from the old apartment, I found a poem I wrote ages ago and forgot about. No title.

Absurd model
part dazzle
some shadow
A sculpted subject
Picture like
A young goddess
Empty fashion
Elaborate beauty
Aesthetic impressions
Glorious visions
In the day light
Are like smoke

Changes Made a couple of cosmetic changes to the site. Nothing major. Scroll bars and address bar icon. Comments?

Slainte!
What does it mean? It's a common Gaelic greeting meaning "good health to you". Literally, it translates as "health". It's often used as a toast. Cheers!
How is it pronounced? Slancha.
What is it? For the purposes of my site, it's the name of the posts I intend to start making on Thursdays (or when I remember) of the lyrics of some of my favorite pub songs, and any other things Irish that might catch my fancy.
Why Thursdays? Thursdays is traditionally the day that my best friend and I go to our favorite cozy little Irish pub and get drunk and listen to the band all night.
Why? Anyone that knows me well, knows I love all things Irish. I am making an Irish section for my site, but I think it will add things weekly here, and add them to the section of my site as sort of an archive.
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Shootings Today, in a small town where I live, 4 people were shot. I often go to Springfield to the movies, or just shopping. It was my mothers stomping grounds as a teenager. It's a small town and everyone knows everyones business. One of the victims was found dead in his home, one at a car dealership, one in a tobacco warehouse, and one in his car in a parking lot. The Tennessean says that "Throughout the day, details were repeated in factual and reshaped versions all across town by friends, relatives and spectators." This happened to me. My boss was telling me that a woman in the departments sister said she witnessed the shooting of one of the men, presumably the one in the parking lot. She said she was next to the truck, and she saw a man walk up in a hooded shirt, pull out a gun, and shoot the man in his truck. She floored her car and got out of there, until she had to pull over and throw up. In a small town where the total number of homicides were two for all of last year... 3 homicides and one attempted homicide in one day is unheard of. It's just not something that happens in a small town... Heh, well obviously it does now...

Break Ins On a side note, despite the wonderful new security company at our building... /sarcasm off... a car was stolen from our main parking lot in broad daylight, and another one broken into. We're supposed to have a truck patrolling the lot at all times, a van driving to and from the remote parking lot, and a manned truck on the remote lot at all times. I never park in the remote lot if I don't have to, since from talking to other people it sounds like half the time the security guard isn't in the lot, and other half he's asleep. It just blows my mind. Our main lot, at around 4, is half empty, and a car is stolen... not from the remote lot, but from the lot right at the building. The entire time that the company Robbie works for was guarding our lot, we had no problems whatsoever, but these people have been here for 2 months and already lost a vehicle. The guard says he's didn't see a thing.

Fri5 And on time as well...
What was...
1. ...your first grade teacher's name? Mrs. Metcalf I think. I can't believe I remember that...
2. ...your favorite Saturday morning cartoon? X-Men for teh win!
3. ...the name of your very first best friend? Beth Kurowski.
4. ...your favorite breakfast cereal? Captain Crunchberries.
5. ...your favorite thing to do after school? Depends... when I was in elementary school I read a lot of books. When Nintendo... the original system... came out, I played lots of video games. When I was in high school, I hung out with my friends.
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B'rrrday! Yup. It's muh birfday. Go me.

Fri5 No Friday 5 was posted this week. Sorry.
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Stupid Thing... My web hosting company has been fooking around with their servers lately and I haven't been able to make an update in ages. Even as I type this... I have updates sitting out there in space, but can't publish them. Of course, I can't publish this either... but eventually when I get everything sorted, it'll be there at least...

Tuesday Twosome Well as I said below, it's 3 am, and I'm bored. So from a lack of anything else to do, and recently having found the Memes list... here's the Tuesday Twosome.

Internet...
1. Your internet connection: DSL or dialup? DSL baby!
2. Daily: How much time do you spend on your computer working? What is this work that you speak of? Well, I pretend to work for four hours at my job.
How much time do you spend on the internet? Too much. Easier to ask how much time I don't spend on the internet.
3. Have you met someone on the internet? And if so, have you met in person?Many people. Before and after getting married. The most important of which was... my husband!
4. Emails: When you receive a humorous or pointless email from a friend, do you pass it on or "the emails dies at my inbox"? Given the choices... the email dies at my inbox. But usually it dies before it even reaches my inbox, since I use a "mailwasher" to browse through headers and filter out spam and junk before I even download it.
5. Pop-up ads: Annoying or "I ignore them so it doesn't bother me."? Again, given the choies... I ignore them so it doesn't bother me. But I don't really ignore them... I just don't get them. I use the Google toolbar, which has the lovely feature of blocking popups.
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