I remember once upon a time, long long ago, if you called the wrong phone number or received a phone call from someone with the wrong number the conversation would go like this:
Person A: Hi, can I speak to [insert some bloke's name here]?
Person B: I'm sorry, you must have the wrong number.
Person A: Oh my, terribly sorry for the bother.
Now compare that conversation to the one that I had on my cell phone earlier today.
Phone rings. Yours truly looks at the number and doesn't recognize it.
Your Heroine: Hello?
Unknown Person: Can I talk to Brianne.
Charming Individual: I'm sorry, you have the wrong number.
Stupid Bitch: Can I talk to Brianne?
Polite Person: You have the wrong number, there's no Brianne here.
Obnoxious Woman: Is this [insert my phone number here]?
Slightly Annoyed: Yes it is.
Oblivious Ass: Well, then let me talk to Brianne.
Increasingly Irritated: Look, this is my cell phone and I'm not Brianne. You have the wrong number.
Clueless Wench: This is Tambra.
Pissed Off: Good for you. I'm still not Brianne. And you still have the wrong number.
Hangs up.
I'm rather surprised she didn't call me back and bitch me out for hanging up on her. The check out lady at the pharmacy apparently thought my end of the conversation was quite amusing.
Friday, May 28
Wednesday, May 26
Tuesday Twosome
1. Name two things you will miss this summer: Going on vacation; nothing planned this year, what with the new job and all. Cool weather.
2. Name two things that you won't miss this summer: Driving my car to work in the midafternoon heat.
3. Vacation: "Planning on one" or "Don't have the time and/or money to take one": Don't have the time this year.
4. Warmer weather: "Finally" or "Crap! I want cooler weather": Cooler weather all the way. Heat gives me a migraine and makes it hard for me to breath.
5. Memorial Day (USA): "A much needed day off" or "I have to work": Much needed day off. I can't wait!
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2. Name two things that you won't miss this summer: Driving my car to work in the midafternoon heat.
3. Vacation: "Planning on one" or "Don't have the time and/or money to take one": Don't have the time this year.
4. Warmer weather: "Finally" or "Crap! I want cooler weather": Cooler weather all the way. Heat gives me a migraine and makes it hard for me to breath.
5. Memorial Day (USA): "A much needed day off" or "I have to work": Much needed day off. I can't wait!
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Wednesday, May 19
Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding)
(This made me giggle.)
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence..
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story:
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,"..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence..
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story:
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,"..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
Tuesday, May 18
Tuesday Twosome
1. Cell phones: "Annoying" or "convenient": Both. I like the convenience of having a phone I can use whenever I want. I like having my phone at work since I don't have a phone of my own. But sometimes, I just want to be left alone. Other people on cell phones, say, while driving their car 10 miles under the speed limit in the fast lane are annoying. People on cell phones talking loudly in restaurants are annoying. Ditto for in the movie theatre.
2. Last two people that called you: Daryl and Robbie. In that order.
3. Last two people you called: Robbie and my parents.
4. Caller ID: "Wonderful" or "too much information": Wonderful! I like knowing what to expect when I answer the phone. If I'm busy, then I like knowing who it is so I can call back later. Or if I want to just not talk to someone at that time.
5. Call Waiting: "I hate missing a call" or "Stop interrupting me": Meh. A little from column A, a little from column B. I don't usually have so many people calling me that I have to use call waiting. When I do, I hate having to cut someone short. I think it was Ellen Degeneres that called call waiting a little miniature "People's Choice" award. If someone puts you on hold and then comes back and says "I'm going to have to take this call," that means that they just said to the other person "let me get rid of this other call."
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2. Last two people that called you: Daryl and Robbie. In that order.
3. Last two people you called: Robbie and my parents.
4. Caller ID: "Wonderful" or "too much information": Wonderful! I like knowing what to expect when I answer the phone. If I'm busy, then I like knowing who it is so I can call back later. Or if I want to just not talk to someone at that time.
5. Call Waiting: "I hate missing a call" or "Stop interrupting me": Meh. A little from column A, a little from column B. I don't usually have so many people calling me that I have to use call waiting. When I do, I hate having to cut someone short. I think it was Ellen Degeneres that called call waiting a little miniature "People's Choice" award. If someone puts you on hold and then comes back and says "I'm going to have to take this call," that means that they just said to the other person "let me get rid of this other call."
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Fri5 Replacement
I'm in the market for a new weekly blogger thingie, in the vein of Friday 5. With Friday 5 gone, my blogger has been... sad and unupdated. I took a jaunt over to the Memes List thinking perhaps to get a good one for Tuesdays. I briefly glanced at Chick Chat before I was overwhelmed with Really Girliness™ and had to leave, and I rather doubt my male readers are really interested in whether I wear a scented or unscented deodorant. Then I took a look at the Tuesday Iffers, but I'm wanting something with a larger fanbase than a handful of people. I enjoyed getting hits from Fri5 readers. So yeah, I'm being picky. I have answered the "Tuesday Twosome" once before, and maybe I'll take that one back up again. It doesn't seem to get many hits either, but I like it, and with the falling out of Fri5 perhaps they'll pick up some people.
Sunday, May 9
College Students + Beer = Silly Results
Some of the fine students of NC State University discovered that one of our local news stations, News 14 Carolina, would allow any business to call in to report a closing, or open an account and report it online. The kicker is, they don't check the business name or contact information. Well, they didn't then. They do now.
Check out the images of "business closings" that were actually listed on the news.
Check out the images of "business closings" that were actually listed on the news.
Friday, May 7
It's a Sad, Sad Day From Friday 5:
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This is the end of the Friday Five. I know most of you have seen this coming and I appreciate you humoring me. I haven't enjoyed it for some time now and because of that I can no longer justify the bandwidth. I'm not going to give it away or sell it or bring anyone on to help; Two-and-a-half years is a good run. Let's let it go.
Thank you to everyone who has participated over the past 2+ years, for taking this silly little idea and running with it. Thanks again to the donators for their generosity and thoughtfulness, and those of you who have emailed me notes of support and encouragement over the last few months.
The notify list will remain as-is, just in case. The archives will remain down since that's where most of the bandwidth suck has been. Globe of Blogs is not going anywhere, so get your blog listed if you haven't already.
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Sunday, May 2
X_X Have you ever had a sore throat so bad that the thought of drowning in your own saliva seems preferable to swallowing or opening your mouth to spit? The inside of my throat looks like how I would imagine the inside of an alien would look. And joy of joys, the "upper resperitory" infection seems to have gotten tired of just tormenting my throat, and has moved on to my inner ear as well. So not only can I not talk, the only thing I can hear clearly is my own heart beat in my head. The icing on the cake for me is that I start work full-time tomorrow morning. Isn't that just bloody great.
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