When we are at work, Jeanne, Darlene, Missy and myself usually wind up emailing back and forth amongst ourselves for amusement. Some of these conversations can get fairly amusing, to the point where I can hear Missy laughing two rows over.
So, without permission from any of the said emailers (sorry ladies ) I'm going to share a couple of those emails with you, my reading audience, which mostly consists of the people involved in said emails anyway!
This here email is from January 4th:
Darlene: I was listening to Paul Harvey this morning and he was talking about a Japanese author who is a best-seller…..she just released her latest book and it's already sold over 1 million copies! The kicker is, she writes them all on the keypad of her cell phone and then downloads them to the internet, where she sells them for $10 a download! Think of all the money you save by not having a publisher etc.!
We are in the WRONG business ladies…..let's get busy and write a book! ;-P
Jeanne: Think of how much that HURTS, having to type that much…! Do you remember who she is? I think I might want to read about her, or at least, read her books. I'm assuming they're in Japanese - I'm hoping it's hiragana, not the kanji - and that I have my dictionary! Ha ha
Me: Pfft. My thumb gets tired just typing out a message to someone. Think I'll pass on typing out a book. :P
Darlene: True……but I could suffer through it to make 10 million dollars……it would only take one book, and I'd be set for life! :)
Me: Okay, we'll write it. You get to type it. :P
Darlene: Sure, I'll type it…..but I'll be expecting a larger percentage of the profits if I do! (For that carpal tunnel surgery I'm sure I'll be needing upon completion of the novel.) ;-P
Jeanne: Heck, let me type it, I'm texting all the time anyway. Of coruse it might be in shorthand. And it costs me 25 cents a text to send something ot the internet.
The japanese chick …if she is japanese because cho is a chinese name… she probably has SMS which is pretty much an internet phone. I hate people that have it. I'm so jealous of them I could steal their phones.
Darlene: Okay…..you can type it, we will compensate you for the 25 cent texts messages….no problem. If the book takes off, and we all become rich, I'll buy you a SMS phone, okay? :)
Oh, but I must insist on proof-reading your work….hehehehe!
Jeanne: Okay. I text. You buy me SMS. Yay!
I think we should all start a round robin story.
Darlene: I used to do that with my friend Kevin (round robin)……we had a nice fantasy story going for a while….but we got bored with it and stopped.
It's kinda fun though…..I'm sure it would be even better with 4 people involved. :)
Me: With the four of us that would certainly turn out… interesting. :P
Darlene and I would get started on fairies or elves, and Jeanne would turn it into a bloodbath. ;)
Darlene: Allie, that made me laugh out loud! LOL!
Yes, and then Missy could interject some romance and voila'….we have a best-seller!!! :)
Missy: And I could put in the Disney and children characters..
No wait a minute…take out my last statement. I am bringing the pirates………………….. To the book.
Me: And I'm kidnapping one. And a bottle of rum. Yo ho ho. Mmmmm pirates. :D
Fairies and pirates and elves, oh my.
Jeanne: OH, yes.
You put fairies and elves in that story, and I bloody well guarantee there will be a bloodbath. There will be the dark elves and the light elves, and one day the dark elves pushed the light elves too far, and they said, "look. We're cooler, but we need an edge. I know. Ditch the regular goth sh*, grab one of those little paper umbrellas from drinks, and get the hairfalls! You, wear platforms! This is it, little elf people! The cool Light elves are going to whip the pants off those dark, trite, stereotypical elves! Let's go!" And thus, so they did.
Darlene: Capt. Pegleg Jones is walking in the woods and happens upon his old friend Bambi. "Ello little fellow", says Capt. Pegleg. Bambi nuzzles Capt. Pegleg and looks lovingly at him with his big doe eyes. Suddenly, there are gunshots……from out of nowhere, there appears a woman dressed in black, wearing platform shoes and purple pigtail hair falls. "Die you mangey piece of venison!", she snarls through gritted teeth. With that, she pulls out a 45 magnum and blows a hole in poor Bambi's head the size of a baseball….as Capt. Pegleg looks on in horror.
Meanwhile, in a magical forest far far away…….
LOL! ;-P
Me: Lol! Too funny.
After that, poor Cap'n Pegleg is going to NEED that rum.
Jeanne: HEY! BAMBI WAS A SPY FOR THE DARK ELVES!
It's not like I had a choice or something, geez….
Blame me for the deaths of all the hapless forest creatures, why don't you….
Then today we had this conversation:
Me: Save me. I've been sucked into an alternate universe where I'm surrounded by annoying people. Oh… Wait… that's just CIGNA.
Jeanne: I thought it was just your luck.
I'm about fed up with today already, how're you doing?
Me: Pretty much fed up too. Annoying formerly pregnant woman is back. Annoying guy next to me won't stfu. Annoying blond girl won't stfu either. She's talking to the girl in front of me, who is, actually, shocker, not annoying. But annoying blond girl is like, sitting halfway in the row talking to not-annoying girl in front of me and annoying guy next to me. And if annoying guy next to me isn't talking to her, he's sitting half in the aisle right next to me turned around talking to Nettie. And of course, annoying formerly pregnant woman has all her annoying friends coming over to her desk to ask about her demon spawn.
Combine that with the oh so wonderful meeting, and I'm just great.
Jeanne: Kill the demon spawn, kill the annoying blond girl, have nettie fired, and most of your problems will indeed be solved. : )
Come to the dark side over here, I have cookies.
Me: I'm stuffed full of strawberry milkshake poptarty goodness. I think I'm going to explode into strawberry milkshake bits.
Jeanne: Well, if you ever wanted to be more annoying than your neighbors, I'd consider that.
Nobody likes icky strawberry goodness mixed with allie-brain-matter-blood on their work clothes.
At this point, Jeanne sent our conversation to Darlene and Missy.
Jeanne: And people thought we were sane….
(read below if you're not allie, that crazy chick)
Darlene: An explosion of strawberry milkshake poptarty goodness would be kinda fun!!! I could do without the 'allie-brain-matter-blood' stuff though.
Not that I don't like your brain matter Allie…..you have very nice, intelligent, humorous (in a sick kinda way), warm and fuzzy brain matter……but I don't wanna eat it. ;-P
By the way Jeanne, I never, ever thought you were sane…….. :-P
Me: My brain is warm and fuzzy? No wonder I'm so weird.
Not warm and fuzzy in the cute kittens and puppies kinda way I hope. Cuz, really, who likes cute kittens and puppies…
Jeanne: *I* like cute kittens and puppies! They taste delicious!
It's a godo thing you've never thought I was sane, darlene, then you'll never be surprised. : )
Darlene: Well, no…..not really in the puppies and kittens kind of way (although you don't fool me with your 'bite me' attitude…..I know you're a sweet person).
More in the faerie and leprechaun kind of way………
Does that make sense?
Me: *grumble* Ew, sweet, ick. :P
Faeries and leprechauns are much superior to cute kittens and puppies. I will accept that sort of warm fuzziness for my… brain.
Or… something.
Then there was a bit about a cute tech guy that I snip snipped out that resulted in:
Darlene: "But as long as you're here……….would you like to take a trip to the nearest broom closet and *use your imagination here*?"
Me: Knowing Jeanne that would be…"Would you like to take a trip to the nearest broom closet and… go somewhere to slay hapless forest creatures? They are spies for the dark elves!"
Jeanne: Well Allie, I haven't slain you yet, and you're the queen of dark elves! Ha ha
Me: Oooh, I'm queen now? Yay me! Where are my slaves… I mean… uh… peons… er… subjects?
Jeanne: Look around you…don't the majority of the people resemble peasants? Ha ha. Joking, joking.
Me: Well if I'm queen, why aren't there attractive dark elves bringing me lunch? And hot chocolate? And uh… why aren't they like, doing my work for me? Hey, why am I working! I'm the queen!
Jeanne: Well, if the best don't do it nobody does…..
Me: Aw man, I don't want to be queen anymore… no peons, still have to work, no jewels or treasurey… this job sucks. :P
Jeanne: Welcome to reality!
Darlene: Yes, but at least she's given you the correct job title……..unlike some other places. ;-P
*sigh* Ain't that the truth...
And even though Missy didn't join in our conversation, that didn't mean I couldn't still hear her laughing two rows away.
So yes, this is how we amuse ourselves at work.
